Little known fact: I really love making jam. I don’t know why, it’s just the way it is. So once I finally made a batch that I was willing to share, there was only one thing to do: Sell it on Etsy!
The only beef I have with Etsy’s other jam sellers is that few of them really put an effort into developing a brand that lends itself to viral activity. Granted, that’s coming from a person who still hasn’t made labels or even a logo yet. However, I did go to the trouble of developing a story to go with the brand:
Old Man Jam is made by a crazy old man who only hates two things: Rotten young whippersnappers, and everything else. Despite this, he often recruits said whippersnappers to help with his jam. This is so he can pin the blame on someone else when he makes mistakes.
The old man doesn’t believe in artificial sweeteners, health fads, boring jam, or deodorant. Instead, he firmly believes in re-imagining what jam could taste like, and how exciting breakfast (or lunch, or dinner, or desert) could really be. He also believes that aliens are reading his thoughts, which explains the tinfoil hat. In my experience, it’s best not to question the old man. Or talk to him. In fact, just try to avoid eye contact. It’s probably for the best.
Whippersnapper Fingerberry Jam
This jam is a wild and crazy combination of blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, strawberries, and severed fingers. You see, the old man loved the way this turned out. Unfortunately, his assistant forgot to write down the recipe. And, well, since the young whippersnapper wasn’t using his fingers to write with, the Old Man taught him a valuable lesson by choppin’em off and throwin’em in the mix. Personally, I think the severed fingers added a certain something something…..
Yes, that’s really the description on the posting. Strange, yes, but there’s a reason for the madness. You see, the story is something that people can talk about, something they can pass on in conversation. You could even post it on Facebook, just for laughs. If I just said “mixed berry jam, and it’s really good,” well, that’s not something to pass around. Taste and opinion are subjective matters, and what one person thinks is good, another person thinks is crap. Besides, mentioning jam often turns the conversation from the person who brought it up, to the person who jumps in and says “my Grandma made the best jam. Sure, Grandpa died of E. Coli because she never boiled her apple butter, but who doesn’t want to die of deliciousness?
Check out the posting here to get your own jar of awesomeness!