According to teh intrawebs, it’s a bad idea to send your dog mixed messages.  For example, a person who scolds their dog for begging at the table but still feeds it table scraps isn’t teaching the dog to stop begging.

Most people who have been around dogs (read: everybody) should know this already.  I mean, I’m sure some people really are that dumb.  However, I like to imagine the world as a place where stupid people are in the minority.  After all, 60.4% of us didn’t vote for the harper government.

So what’s up with the mixed messages at work?  Why is it that bosses will give you one job description and then expect you to drop everything to fill in another role?  Case in point:  I had to blow off a customer today so I could drop a car off for a minor repair (I’m a used car salesman, in case you didn’t know).

Did I want to blow off the customer?  Hell no.  My job, or so I’m told, is to sell cars and make customers happy.  At least, that’s what I was told in the sales meeting less than an hour before that.  Yet somehow, a manager re-defined my job as being the lot-runner-around-guy.  Now I’m out one sale, and the customer is probably writing in his own blog about what a jerk I am.

Moral of the story:  If you’re going to tell your staff something, stick to it.  Just because it’s convenient to give them one task and force them into doing another task instead, doesn’t mean either task will be done well.

Little known fact:  I really love making jam.  I don’t know why, it’s just the way it is.  So once I finally made a batch that I was willing to share, there was only one thing to do:  Sell it on Etsy!

The only beef I have with Etsy’s other jam sellers is that few of them really put an effort into developing a brand that lends itself to viral activity.  Granted, that’s coming from a person who still hasn’t made labels or even a logo yet.  However, I did go to the trouble of developing a story to go with the brand:

Old Man Jam is made by a crazy old man who only hates two things: Rotten young whippersnappers, and everything else. Despite this, he often recruits said whippersnappers to help with his jam. This is so he can pin the blame on someone else when he makes mistakes.

The old man doesn’t believe in artificial sweeteners, health fads, boring jam, or deodorant. Instead, he firmly believes in re-imagining what jam could taste like, and how exciting breakfast (or lunch, or dinner, or desert) could really be. He also believes that aliens are reading his thoughts, which explains the tinfoil hat. In my experience, it’s best not to question the old man. Or talk to him. In fact, just try to avoid eye contact. It’s probably for the best.

Whippersnapper Fingerberry Jam

This jam is a wild and crazy combination of blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, strawberries, and severed fingers. You see, the old man loved the way this turned out. Unfortunately, his assistant forgot to write down the recipe. And, well, since the young whippersnapper wasn’t using his fingers to write with, the Old Man taught him a valuable lesson by choppin’em off and throwin’em in the mix. Personally, I think the severed fingers added a certain something something…..

Yes, that’s really the description on the posting.  Strange, yes, but there’s a reason for the madness.  You see, the story is something that people can talk about, something they can pass on in conversation.  You could even post it on Facebook, just for laughs.  If I just said “mixed berry jam, and it’s really good,” well, that’s not something to pass around.  Taste and opinion are subjective matters, and what one person thinks is good, another person thinks is crap.  Besides, mentioning jam often turns the conversation from the person who brought it up, to the person who jumps in and says “my Grandma made the best jam.  Sure, Grandpa died of E. Coli because she never boiled her apple butter, but who doesn’t want to die of deliciousness?

Check out the posting here to get your own jar of awesomeness!

It’s occurred to me several times over the last few years that, even while Steven Harper rambles on and on about fiscal efficiency, his government hasn’t really spent my our money that wisely.  Actually, he’s spending it worse than a university student in the bar on shooter night.

With that in mind, I’ve found a new purpose for this blog.  At the risk of getting all political (and/or stepping on the Canadian Taxpayer’s Federation’s toes), I’d like to point out all the crap that Harper keeps wasting our money on, and some of the things that he could buy instead that would actually make this country a better place.

Here’s our first example:  According to the Ottawa Citizen, Col. Michel Drapeau (retired) estimates that we’re spending about $100 million/month on the war in Libya.  Here’s what we could have done with $100 million:

1) Hire an additional 2,699 teachers in Ontario (according to starting pay rates listed here)

OR

2) Large double double and a blueberry fritter for every man, woman and child in Canada

OR

3) Pay 0.017739007% of our national debt (according to debtclock.ca on May 21st, 2011)

Three things to note:  1) This is figuring on one month’s spending on Libya to pay these teachers for an entire year,  2) I didn’t actually check this one, but it’ll be close.  3) We pay about $84 million per day in interest on our national debt.  Just sayin’.

I’m not saying Ghadafi shouldn’t be removed, dead or alive.  I’m just saying, we’re spending a lot of money to deliver a single bullet to Northern Africa.  Maybe we should have called UPS first……